


How to Seduce a Writer

by obsessivereader



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bisexual Bucky Barnes, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, M/M, Oblivious Bucky Barnes, Shrunkyclunks, Steve's gonna get his man, Writer Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 03:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12050715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obsessivereader/pseuds/obsessivereader
Summary: What's a determined master strategist going to do when the oblivious writer he's trying to woo keeps missing all the clues?He doesn’t think it’s because he hadn’t signaled his own interest to Bucky. He’s pretty much done everything short of hitting Bucky over the head with semaphore flags by this point. There’s no way Bucky could’ve missed them.Unless…There’d been that one link he’d stumbled upon when he’d googled ‘how to talk to a writer’. It’d been written by a writer, who’d been candid about how oblivious writers could be, and how someone could go about seducing one. An idea starts to form. It’s ridiculous, but at this point, he’s willing to go with ridiculous, since subtle wasn’t getting him anywhere.





	How to Seduce a Writer

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a hilarious tumblr post by Neil Gaiman, which you can find here: [“How to Seduce a Writer”](http://neil-gaiman.tumblr.com/post/18932682858/as-requested-by-too-many-people-making-the-last/)

“Hey, Bucky. Hi, Becca.”

Bucky nearly swallows his tongue when he turns around and spots Steve walking towards them along the apartment hallway. He’s wearing navy sweat pants, and a grey exercise shirt that looks spray-painted on. Every muscle on Steve’s upper body is displayed to perfection, and Bucky gets a little lost tracing all the lines and curves.

“Hi Steve,” Becca says. After a pause, Becca nudges him in the side with a sharp, pointy elbow.

“Hi Steve!” he blurts out. Heat blooms on his cheeks, and he immediately ducks his head. That had _definitely_ come out sounding a little too enthusiastic.

Steve stops in front of them and nods at the market bag slung over Bucky's shoulder. “Just got back from the store?”

Bucky looks up from the letters he’d been pretending interest in. “Uh… yeah.” He smiles and nods, feeling like a deer caught in the headlights of Steve's supersoldier pecs. “Yeah.”

Becca nudges him again. He scrambles for two braincells to rub together. “You're heading out?”

Steve nods and points in the direction of the lifts. “Going for a run.”

They stare at each other for a long moment while Bucky tries to think of something else to say.

“So…” Steve says, as he looks at Bucky from under ridiculously long and feathery lashes. “I guess… I'll be going, then.”

Bucky nods. “Okay.”

One last smile, and Steve turns around and walks away.

Becca leans towards him. “He's totally into you,” she murmurs.

Bucky gives a guilty start and tears his gaze away from Steve’s receding ass, only to have it collide with sly, grey eyes almost identical to his own.

“That’s Captain America, Becks. Of course he’s not into me,” he says, just a little mournfully. “I don’t think he’s allowed to date men.”

“He's asked you out _four times._ ”

He shoves his letters into his back pocket and digs for his keys. “It wasn't like _asking_ _out_ asking out. We happened to be going down at the same time.”

“What a coincidence,” Becca says, with an arched brow. “I hear he’s got really good hearing.”

“I think I'd know if he was interested.”

Becca rolls her eyes. “No, you wouldn't.” She takes a sip of her ridiculous confection of an iced coffee. It was so full of non-coffee things that it was an embarrassment to real coffee everywhere. “You're about as observant as a block of wood.”

“How can I be unobservant?” Bucky pauses in the middle of unlocking his door to glare at Becca. “I'm a _writer._ It's my job to observe and write about the human condition.”

This earns him a rude snort. Becca says, “Do you know why Susan asked you out?”

“Because she wanted to date me?” He finally gets the door open and holds it for Becca.

“ _No._ Because she’d been sending you signals for a month that your observant ass managed to miss completely.”

“That is not true.” Indignation rises in Bucky. “That's just—” his mouth opens and closes a few times as he tries to come up with some evidence of how not-true that was.

Becca’s mocking look as she saunters past him conveys her opinion loud and clear.

“It’s not,” he finishes weakly and follows her in.

 

๑ ๑ ๑

 

The moment the lift doors close, Steve yanks out his phone. Sam was _so sure_ the shirt would work.

It hadn't worked.  

> Steve: It didn't work
> 
> Sam: Is he blind? How could that not work? Even straight men can't stop staring at your moobs in that shirt
> 
> Steve: Can you not call them moobs
> 
> Sam: I call em as I see em. And what I see are
> 
> Sam: M (.) (.) B S
> 
> Steve: [middle finger emoji]

Not only had Bucky not noticed his body, he'd seemed pretty distracted—or at least, more distracted than normal. He’d been more interested in his letters than Steve's moo— _pecs_ , goddamit.

Maybe he’s misreading the signs, and Bucky _isn’t_ interested him. He’s invited Bucky for coffee four times now, and all four times, the—he’s not sure if he should call them dates, since Bucky clearly hadn’t realised they were—meet-ups? had gone great. If Bucky’s interested, shouldn’t he be meeting Steve halfway by now?

He doesn’t think it’s because he hadn’t signaled his own interest to Bucky. He’s pretty much done everything short of hitting Bucky over the head with semaphore flags by this point. There’s no way Bucky could’ve missed them.

Unless…

There’d been that one link he’d stumbled upon when he’d googled ‘how to talk to a writer’. It’d been written by a writer, who’d been candid about how oblivious writers could be, and how someone could go about seducing one. An idea starts to form. It’s ridiculous, but at this point, he’s willing to go with ridiculous, since subtle wasn’t getting him anywhere. 

> Steve: I need to escalate
> 
> Sam: That does not sound in the least bit worrying
> 
> Steve: I saw this thing online. How to seduce a writer. Guy who wrote it is a writer. It's worth a shot

Steve pockets his phone and presses the button for his floor when the lift reaches the lobby. Forget going for a run—he's got some planning to do.

Ten minutes later, while he’s sitting at his work desk penciling in lines of copperplate script, his phone pings with an incoming message. 

> Sam: I googled the article. Are you fucking kidding me
> 
> Steve: I need to know
> 
> Sam: Come over if you crash and burn. I'll get the beer ready
> 
> Steve: Your confidence in me is inspiring
> 
> Sam: Go get your man, Cap. Rawr.

Steve sets down his phone and gets back to work.

 

๑ ๑ ๑

 

Bucky puts away his groceries while Becca lounges on the couch and makes free with his Netflix. Was Becca right? _Was_ Steve into him? His heart gives a tiny little flutter just at the thought.

He really hopes Becca’s right, because he’s kinda stupidly really into Steve—has been since the first time he'd met Steve. That had been six months ago, when he’d moved into the building after a long and thorough vetting service by Stark’s lawyers and security team.

It’s not often that Bucky meets someone he can really click with, but he’d felt comfortable with Steve from the start, even with Steve’s fame and the nearly seventy years that separate their dates of birth. Being with Steve was like pulling on a favourite hoodie—easy and familiar. Unless Steve’s wearing something that breaks his brain, and then it’s more about trying not to climb Steve like a tree.

He's about to join Becca on the couch when there's a soft tap on his door, and an envelope comes sliding under it.

Becca’s head pops up from behind the couch. Her gaze falls to the envelope on the floor. “Is that—?”

When she vaults over the back of the couch, Bucky lunges forward and scoops up the envelope, nearly taking a header into the door as a result. He scrambles for the bedroom, only just getting it shut before Becca slams into it from the other side.

“Bucky! Open the door!”

He turns the lock. “No!”

“Who's that from? Is it Steeeeeeeve?”

“I don't know! Go away!”

“You better give me all the details, Bucky _._ ” There’s the sound of indistinct grumbling followed by receding footsteps.

Bucky looks down at the envelope in his hand. His name is written on the front in bold, neat letters. There’s no name on the back. He opens the envelope and slides out a piece of thick, white art paper. Words are inscribed on it in a beautiful, flowing script that looks like something out of an antique map.

> _YOU ARE INVITED TO A SEDUCTION_
> 
> _Please come to dinner tonight at 7pm. Wear the kind of clothes you would like to be seduced in._
> 
> _Sincerely,_
> 
> _Steve Rogers._

Holy.

Fuck.

Becca was right.

“Becca!” He unlocks his bedroom door and throws it open. “Becks! Help! What do I wear to a seduction?”

“Something easy to take off,” is the immediate response. “But sweatpants aren’t exactly a sexy look.” Becca clambers over the back of the couch. “How about those jeans that make your ass look great?”

 

๑ ๑ ๑

 

There's a tentative knock on Steve's door at 6:55 p.m. Steve stops mid-pace and hurries over to the door. He yanks it open with so much force that wisps of Bucky's shoulder-length hair get pulled forward by the backdraft. Bucky's hair is a beautiful deep, rich brown that reminds Steve of the sable fur coats he used to see in the posh parts of New York. He’s wanted to touch it for a very long time.

“Wow,” Bucky says, eyes wide with surprise. “You’re very… strong.”

“You came,” Steve says, and regrets not taking a moment to think before speaking. He manages to look away from Bucky’s eyes long enough to take in Bucky’s outfit of a red henley, and snug blue jeans.

“Well, I—” Bucky waves the invitation from Steve. “I couldn't say ‘no’ to an invitation like this.”

Steve's eyes widen in horror. “Of course you can say ‘no’!”

“Oh,” Bucky says. He leans back like he's about to take a step back.

“No! I mean—” Steve has to stop himself from grabbing Bucky's arm. “You don't have to say ‘yes’ if you don't want to.” Oh god, he hadn't meant to put Bucky on the spot. “I just…” he drags his fingers roughly through his hair.

A smile creeps back onto Bucky's face. “What if I really want to say ‘yes’?”

Every muscle in Steve's body relaxes. “Well then,” Steve says, with an answering smile, “get in here.”

Steve steps back to let Bucky in, leaving a little less space than was strictly polite. Bucky walks past with a knowing smile, close enough that Steve can feel the warmth of Bucky's body through his clothes. It sends a tingle of awareness all the way down to Steve's toes.

 

๑ ๑ ๑

 

“You really couldn't tell I was interested in you?”

A pleasant shiver runs down Bucky's spine at the way Steve's voice rumbles into his ear from where he's got it pressed against Steve’s bare chest. That chest is everything he'd dreamed about. _Steve_ is everything he'd dreamed about.

“I really couldn’t tell you were interested in me,” Bucky mumbles.

“Bucky,” Steve says, with a hint of exasperation, “I asked you out for coffee. Multiple times. I made eyes at you. I gave you a sketch I did of you, a good one, too.”

Bucky pats Steve’s chest reassuringly. “Yes, it was. I love that sketch.”

It’d stopped his breath the first time he’d seen it. Steve had drawn him with his face turned down and slightly away, a wry smile on his face and crinkles fanning out from the corner of his eye. There was warmth in that drawing, and kindness. He’d framed it and put it on his desk. Not because he was vain and wanted to look at a really nice drawing of himself, but because knowing that Steve saw him like that always left him feeling full of a something he couldn’t articulate, even though it was his job to do just that.

“But how was I to know?” he continues. “I mean… you’re Captain America! America’s 3rd most eligible bachelor! I didn’t even know you’re…”

“Bi. I’m bi.”

“Right. Bi.”

“Would it have helped if I’d drawn you without clothes on?”

Bucky gives a startled laugh. “No, that might’ve creeped me out.”

“Okay. That’s good. At least things haven’t changed _that_ much.”

They lie in silence while Steve cards his fingers through Bucky’s hair. He feels as contented and relaxed as a cat sleeping in a sunbeam.

“This is,” Bucky says with a contented sigh, “bar none, the best seduction I've ever been invited to.”

“Been to a lot, have you?” Steve's voice is dry as dust.

“This is my first, actually. But I'm pretty sure nothing’s gonna top it.” He snorts, inordinately pleased with himself. “I made a pun.”

“Challenge accepted.”

Bucky can hear the smirk in Steve's voice.

“And next time,” Steve adds, “I'll top.”

He's sufficiently moved by that to lift his head up off Steve's excellent pillow of a chest. “Just name the time and the place.”

Steve rolls on top of him with a heated look in his blue, blue eyes. “How about right now?”

Bucky's toes curl in anticipation as he wraps his arms around Steve’s neck. The last coherent thought he has for a good long while is that he owes Neil Gaiman a fruit basket.

No… more like ten.

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on tumblr :) [yetanotherobsessivereader](http://yetanotherobsessivereader.tumblr.com/)


End file.
